At the start of the Bay Area’s shelter in place order, I had a daily schedule. I met with my writing community on Slack every morning, put lots of literary Zoom events in my calendar, baked muffins and chocolate chip cookies, attended morning meditation with my Sangha – all the “productive” things that held my depression and fear at bay. I still believed that the pandemic could be a moment of change, of transformation, of global interconnectedness.
I wish I could be as optimistic as I was at the beginning. But I’ve seen people with AK-47s across their chests threatening state legislators and public health directors. I’ve stormed out of the house, every nerve ablaze, after a fight with my husband – more fights in the last few months than in our entire two years together. I cannot hug my own grandchildren.
“The Kumbaya moment has passed,” a fellow writer said during a recent video chat. That about sums it up, I thought.
A virtual meditation session I attended – the one thing from the early weeks I’m still doing – talked about “wise hope.” It’s not the same as optimism. Roshi Joan Halifax from the Upaya Zen Center broke it down this way. The pessimist says we’re all going to die. The optimist says never mind, everything will turn out all right. But the wise hopeful person says, “Gee I’m not really sure what will happen. I think I’ll put some potatoes in the root cellar just in case.”
I don’t have a root cellar, but I know what one is having seen them at our neighbors’ houses as a child. They were cave-like, with shelves of dusty Mason jars full of preserved peaches lining the walls. In the 1950s we weren’t that far from the Depression, from the war – people knew about deprivation and they took steps to prepare.
During the pandemic, I’ve created my own version of baskets of stored potatoes. I make extra homemade sugar water for the hummingbirds, stock up on low-fat Babybel cheese (goes great with apples). I fix crockpot dinners and freeze the leftovers. Twice a week I host Grandma’s Book Club on Zoom for Lucia and Francesca, so we can read to one another. My husband and I are getting virtual marriage counseling so that we can make it through this without killing each other. That’s what a person does with wise hope. You meet the contingencies as best you can with no guarantee that everything will turn out.
As the too hasty re-opening of our economy has shown, more of us are at risk – as I write this close to three million Americans have tested positive. We have to lock down tighter than ever, businesses are closed again, even more people are losing their jobs. SARS-COV-2 isn’t done with us yet! It’s a virus; smart and adaptable and tenacious. Until we have a vaccine, we need to treat the novel corona virus with the respect it deserves.
Meanwhile, I want to tell the virus agnostics to wear a mask. Don’t congregate in bars, or anywhere else for that matter. Stay six feet away. Take your vitamins. Eat well (assuming you can still afford groceries), get plenty of rest, grow a garden and put potatoes away. Some are predicting a dark winter. Whatever happens, have courage, be sensible, keep hope – wise, audacious hope – alive. Perhaps next spring we’ll gather with friends to make oven-baked French fries and have a lovely dinner. The Kumbaya moment is dead. Long live the moment of wise hope.
Eleanor, I appreciate the hope and logic you’ve written for your readers here. We have been sheltered in place since March 13th, and at first it seemed as if this couldn’t go on so long. Silly me! We are still where we were, doing what we were doing. We’re just more than frustrated by all the confusion and lack of a federal plan to keep us all on the same page. However, as our pastor is fond of saying, “You are love. You are loved.” When I get too frenetic and filling with angst, I just think on those words. They bring me comfort and hope. Thanks for authenticity in your writing.
Sherrey – thanks for reading and commenting. It is beyond frustrating – it is maddening. However, we persevere. I am glad you are healthy and safe. Hugs to you.
Thank you, Eleanor, for your honesty and intelligence. Your words resonates so deeply. Some days I’m channeling wisdom, quoting Jack Kornfield or Tara Barch. And, other days I’m full-on Eeyore! Maybe I’ll try to make room for both of these sides of being human during a pandemic.
Love and light,
Mindy
All sides are welcome. Thanks for your kind words, Mindy.
Hi Eleanor. A friend told me this mantra: I can do this hard thing. And we can, BTW what exactly is our alternative?
We are safe, we are comfortable, we are financially secure and we are loved.
I passed by On Rossmoor Pky coming home from my garden. It was around 7pm and I saw you and Alex walking in the golf course You looked happy and comfortable together. That made me happy and comfortable too. How easy it was for you to give me a little peace. This too shall pass.
Love Cathleen
That makes me very happy Cathleen. Thank you!
Thank you, Eleanor! I laughed at some of this. Yes, SARS-COV-2 has created so much change and adaptation!
I met you in our Healing Group so long ago, bought your book Swimming With Maya, so beautiful, after I lost my own Jessica. They met as little girl and baby in our group.
I tend to be the optimistic type.
Peace! Shantee
Shantee! How nice to hear from you. Thanks for reading – optimism is an excellent trait. xo
This is wonderful–very wise and especially good for the period we are in now with all the uncertainty. Thanks for writing as always.
Thanks for reading and commenting Louise. xo
I remembering the panic I felt when I completed my last “project.” I’ve ALWAYS had projects. But NOW, even my most unpleasant projects (like mending/clothes alterations) were done. DONE. This has never happened before.
After a few days of too many naps I leaned into a new normal. Library books (reading 2 books every 3 days) and daytime NETFLIX (I said I would never go there). New normal also includes going to my 88 year old Mother’s home to tackle 3 generations of photographs in bankers boxes.
Overall my daily pace has slowed. My stamina has lessened. My insomnia has increased. My ability to cook any new recipe has has improved.
With a compromised immune system I see myself in this new normal for a long time to come with this pandemic.
I can do this.
You can do this, Patti. Finding the sweet spot of just enough activity vs just enough down time continues to be a challenge for me. I like your mix of activities. Keep on keeping on! xo
Thanks for your support, Cassie. Much appreciated. xo
I still remember our happy days in Nevada City Grass Valley. It now seems so long ago and far away.
It is, and yet also seems just yesterday!
You are very open about your life and that helps you face any issues that arise. I am attracted to the concept of wise hope and I feel that is where I am now.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I wish you well! Love the idea of you reading to your granddaughters and visa versus!
Cassie