“Okay, then, 2018.” Those are the words Alex Poulsen and I had engraved on our wedding bands, now stashed in a dresser drawer awaiting our marriage. Alex bought the rings on the Friday before Earth Day, and in backwards fashion proposed on April 22.
When 2018 dawned, I was single, living in my Oakland condo above Lakeshore Avenue; now, I live happily with Alex in the Tice Valley surrounded by hills and sky, deer and wild turkey. We live at Rossmoor, a retirement community of 10,000 in Walnut Creek. We still work, Alex as a technology maven and me as a writer, and we’ll probably never quit.
Between January 1 and December 31, I became engaged, adopted an amazing Maine Coon cat named Marlowe, put my Oakland home on the market, moved to our Rossmoor rental, and stretched myself like taffy to create and settle in a shared space. Who knew that where to hang a painting would require negotiations worthy of a nuclear arms agreement?
Because rentals at Rossmoor are time-limited, we immediately began searching for a place to buy. On December 17 we closed escrow on the same model condo we’ve been renting – two bedrooms with den and enclosed patio – enough space for two home offices.
A twenty-minute walk up the street from our rental, our new place has an equally wonderful view of the Las Trampas hills, surrounded by California oaks and evergreen trees. Our community is a little Shangri-La where people still greet each other when they pass, read newspapers and borrow books from the Rossmoor library, and attend the free movies shown every week – a happy little time warp.
With Alex and Marlowe, love and companionship entered my life like a tsunami, sweeping away my old life, its independence and its loneliness and leaving behind a changed Eleanor. I’ve been molded into a softer, happier version of the old me, one still trying to encompass the changes and figure out how to balance the solitary work of writing with the collaborative work of loving.
Alex and I have been Zydeco dance partners for five years – we even dated for eight months after we first met at the Eagles Hall in Alameda late in 2012. That first attempt didn’t “take.” Imagine my surprise when an iPhone crash brought Alex to the rescue and we decided to try again. If you had told me on January 1 that by April I’d be engaged and by late May co-habiting, I would have rolled my eyes.
As the John Lennon song goes, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
Yup, and 2018 more than any other year I can remember, bears witness to that wisdom. I didn’t plan a bit of this. Throughout three decades of being single with occasional longer-term relationships, I longed for more permanence and a companion I could depend on, a mutual support system. Finally, those dreams materialized. But only after I’d given up hope, or call it expectations, as well as asked Alex to forgive me for whatever I did or didn’t do that caused him to flee in 2013.
Sometimes it feels like the ego must endure a good pummeling to allow the heart to finally hold sway; not that my ego is on permanent leave, perhaps a sabbatical?
I haven’t even touched on our turbulent politics, our war-weary world, or our warming planet. This year left us lots to be concerned about, and a long list of “to do’s” for 2019. But I figure more love can only be a good thing, its warmth rippling out into the broader field we all inhabit.
“Okay, then, 2018.” The most magical, confounding, transformative year I’ve ever experienced. Keep working your magic, uprooting the old, and bringing forth the new this coming year. And help us to surf the waves!
Miss you, love reading your words, again. 😊
Miss you too, Kimberly! Thanks for stopping by.
So happy for you Eleanor, i love the allusion of John Lennon’song. My question, are you gonna have a room to let if I come for your teaching class?. It is in my bucket list 2019 since I have already started a writtimg class in 2018 after I have meet you . Jocelyne your French guide from Montreal.
Jocelyne, great to hear from you! I hope to teach a memoir class in the fall of 2019. I’ll keep you posted.
What a marvelous journey you are on. Life is amazing. I think things are stable, and then omg- more change, and more growth.
So true! Well said, Carol.
I second your wish, Louise. Thanks for reading and commenting. May our planet feel the love!
xo
Eleanor
Dear Eleanor, It has been a great pleasure to watch your new life unfold in the context of Oakland Center For Spiritual Living. You are indeed blessed to have bonded with this happy man. May you both grow old together. Love, Barbara J. Williams
Thanks Barbara!
Great writing as always, Ellie. Love this line: “…still trying to encompass the changes and figure out how to balance the solitary work of writing with the collaborative work of loving.”
Hoping for some truly wonderful things, and even a bit more magic thrown in, to unfold for both of you in the coming year.
So nice to see you at Christmas!
Love,
Beth
Thanks so much, Beth. It’s been a “growth experience,” for sure, and I’ll gladly accept all the magic the universe has in store for us. It was lovely to reconnect at Karina’s.
xo
Ellie
Nicely done, Ellie. Both the doing and the writing. Congratulations.
Ron, thanks so much for reading and commenting. The only constant seems to be change. Maybe I’ve learned a thing or two over the years, knowledge gained “in the trenches” as you would say. Happy New Year!
xo
Ellie
I am so deeply moved by this testament, Eleanor. You are graced with the capacity to change, to love, to soften, to observe the process and write about it with such clarity and gentleness. Susan
Thank you, Susan. Divine intervention perhaps, or just the always pressing need to evolve. Sometimes I don’t go about change gracefully. As a sister Taurus, I know you understand. This time, though, I was motivated.
xo
Eleanor
So, so happy for you Ellie! Here’s to a great New Year!
Thanks, Lee Ann. Once we get settled, I’d love to come for a visit and see how the gallery is progressing. You are an inspiration! Happy 2019.
xo
Ellie
So well written as always–and here’s to love, magic and a softer and happier 2019 for all and for the planet.